I don't go to movies to hear people explain every joke to their girlfriend. I don't go to movies to watch a bored teenager run up and down the middle aisle in slow motion. I don't go to movies to hear a baby crying. I go to movies to watch a MOVIE. It's not a social event for me.
"So why even go?" you ask?

I hate spoilers. And when a big movie comes out, I can expect a spoiler to jump me from any corner. At work, church, and of course, the internet. So if I REALLY care about the movie, I'll go see it. Unfortunately that means I run the VERY high risk of hearing a knuckle dragging mouth breather narrate every single thing that happens on screen.

The only thing that's come close to solving this issue are drive-in movies. I can close my car door and crank the sound. But that doesn't even always work. My car door isn't sound proof.

I wish there was an Alamo Drafthouse near me. If you talk or text, they will flat out REMOVE YOU FROM THE PREMISES.

The day they let us rent movies digitally the day of release, I will be a happy camper.

I don't go out to the movies anymore for this precise reason.

Yep, someone was always hitting me with a dang taser!

But seriously, I am so not this guy that goes around slapping phones out of people's hands and tasing people in theaters . . . no matter how much I really want to be.

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